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THIS IS SO ME RIGHT NOW. <33333333

herro!!!!

CAN'T WAIT!!! Damnit, I wish the fashion show party wasn't sold out. Oh well. I hope I make it time for the goody bags. Oh god, I'm lame.

Karma.

[In Eastern beliefs, the karmic effects of all deeds are viewed as actively shaping past, present, and future experiences... As humans, we have the opportunity to speed up our spiritual progress with practice of good Karma. We produce negative karma because we lack knowledge and clarity.] -- Wikipedia.

I guess I've always been a believer. Strange how karma/the universe somehow balances out our actions, whether or not we take responsibility for them or not.

....

I've been going through one of the roughest patches of my life, lately. New job, new apartment, new roommates, new life. I can't quite wrap my mind around it all, and somehow, I feel like I'm losing myself in the process. And in trying to make sense of it, I've only made things a lot, lot worse. And the very thing I'm trying to fix is broken, and there's nothing I can do now to help it (except wait, I guess). The thing that kills me the most is that this very same thing happened to me years ago, and I never thought I'd be able to get over. But I did (or at least I made a hell of a leap towards being over it).

Is it really possible to learn from other people's mistakes and prevent karma from cycling? Or does karma always come in and run its course?

I can't say I'm always in control in my life. No, I'm not blaming my mistakes on "karma." But I wonder if my mistakes are somehow influenced by the past. If this is karma's way of running its course, then please let this be the last time.

yayy

Playing around with my new lens. This is kind of a rare thing.. me without makeup. >.< Surprisingly, this shot doesn't make me cringe...

I think I may have found THE perfect sandal. I'm hoping there's still some summer left for me to wear them. :)

cross your fingers

I had another job interview today. It well really well, but the type of work that this company expects isn't something I have a solid portfolio in. :/ I hope they see the potential in my work and give me the benefit of the doubt. If I get it, I will most definitely have a financially sound job and a great work environment. *prays*

I hope working full-time isn't going to turn me into those people that come home after commuting through traffic and look forward to watching Jeopardy over a TV dinner.

Note to self:
- Learn Flash + Actionscript
- Finish up new website

Tah-tah!

What's up with employers telling you, "You got the job!" and then never calling back? Gahd, I feel like a desperate, heartbroken teenager waiting for a boy to give me attention.

I had a job interview today. It went well, except that most employers don't want to hire graphic designers full-time these days. What's with people who think of marketing as an afterthought? It's the goddamn face of your company.. I THINK it's kind of important. *shrug. So the job hunt continues. I have another interview on Monday and then a Career Fair event for the following week. I just need a little financial stability, damnit! Is that really too much to ask? -_-

I'm moving to my new home this weekend. Someone came to pick up our dining room table last night. It feels so weird. I have a strange attachment to my current apartment. Countless memories.. including our epic parties, funny roommate drama, Gossip Girl viewing parties, etc. Not to mention it was where Roscoe spent his first two years of life. And I'm seriously going to miss my roomates. :/ I suppose this was the first place away from home that actually felt like home. But I suppose it's time to move on.

It's a strange feeling to walk around campus among the new freshmen (my sister included) and not have class. Maybe it's a good thing my new roommates are recent graduates like myself -- I need to remove myself from this environment. Thinking about growing up is giving me a panic attack.

job hunt

Still job-hunting. The company I mentioned in my last post hasn't contacted me about my start date and it's making me really uneasy about whether or not they've changed their minds. If they did, I doubt that it's because I'm unqualified for the job... but I guess that still doesn't change things much. I'm still unemployed and so very thankful that my mom is understanding enough to help me out until I find something stable. They finally emailed me back... I start next week. :)

I'm moving to Tustin in October. Can't wait for a fresh new start. :) It kind of sucks I won't be having my own room, but I'd sacrifice almost anything at this point if it means I don't have to move home. I love my parents, but I love them more from a distance. Haha.

P.S. NEW WEBSITE IS COMING... :)

Your girl is getting places..

Say hello to KorWater's newest graphic designer! I hope this means I can make ends meet and avoid moving home. Haha. :)

Summer

So this is my summer in a nutshell:

Celebrated my 22nd birthday - It was a lot of fun, actually. I did some fun things with some really amazing people.. definitely a birthday that will not be forgotten. A video montage can be viewed here thanks to Roland.

Fourth of July Block Party - I look forward to this every single year. It's probably my favorite get together with family/friends. Ooh and I got to play around with my new camera and experiment with some fireworks shots.

San Luis Obispo/Pismo Beach - I don't have too many pictures on my camera of this weekend, but it consisted of celebrating me and Jay's 7 year anniversary (omg, i know), riding ATV's in the sand dunes of Pismo, strolling along the pier and coming across some edible bugs (above), and eating some of my favorite local SLO food.. tri tip sandwiches from Firestone's. Yum.




Beyonce Concert - Thanks to my wonderful friend/co-worker, Kathryn, we got to watch the Beyonce concert in a beautiful VIP suite in the Honda Center. Beyonce is AMAZING in concert.. she puts on a grand show and I highly recommend seeing it.. didn't think I cared about Beyonce that much, but she literally almost put me to tears with her performance.

Concert Series at Redondo Beach - I finally got to take Jay to Redondo Beach for some free entertainment and yummy food. Haha. Every Saturday during the summer, they put on some cool shows featuring bands that play some classic tunes. My dad loves going.. it's totally his generation's music, but hey, the oldies never get old. The photo above was taken somewhere on the pier while we were waiting for the show to start.


Baby Shower Planning - I got to help my mom plan this awesome baby shower for my cousin... This diaper cake was made by yours truly (with the help of Jay, Heather, and Mom). And that cookie was also handmade. I felt like one of those people from Ace of Cakes rolling fondant and being all creative with sparkly cookie luster. Haha. They turned out amazing.. :)






OC Fair - I love going every year. This year, I was brave enough to tackle deep fried Oreos, a jumbo corndog (yum), chocolate covered bacon, and even rode Tango (never again, though). And now I am contemplating getting a wave perm because look at how awesome and voluminous my hair looks in this photo! Should I? It probably won't look like this when it's done, but I'm kind of sick of my pin-straight hair :/

Not pictured -- No Doubt Concert, random late night swims, Six Flags, adventures with my cousins.... why does summer approach so slowly and come to a sudden halt?

Accessories galore

Why do I spend hours of work finding cute things I can't have?

WANTED

I am so in looooooove with these! Gimmie!!!!

Design like you mean it

Some artwork I did for Jay's future aerospace firm.  I've been reunited with my passion for designing. :) 

So I'm all done with undergrad. Weeeird. Ironically, I feel like I still have a lot to do and I don't have much time for it. I've been waking up at 11am everyday and coming into work at 12:30-1.  Pretty bad, I know. Whatevs. I'm the only designer in the hizouse and I do what I want. Lolz. Other than working, I've started the painful and disappointing search for a job.  I'm so sad I didn't double major in Studio Art. I feel like my designs won't be taken seriously by employers because I had no "formal" education in the arts. :/ I gotta up my portfolio! Gahhh. 

I've been playing around with my new toy... My beloved Rebel XSi.  I wish I knew how to use it to its full potential, but I am so very inexperienced with SLR's.  I want to take a class... maybe IVC?  Anyway, I have a flickr account now. :) I also got my Holga camera but I have yet to experiment with it. I'm kinda scared. It's been years since I touched actual film.  I really can't mess up the photos because it's a fortune to develop medium-format film! Blah.

Some exciting news: BEYONCE CONCERT THIS SATURDAY IN THE VIP SUITE. Oh yes!

--

p.s. Am I the only one still heartbroken that MJ died? I can't get over it!

Waiting for the subway, NYC. I kind of miss wearing Winter-y clothes.


Master of Disguise.

Easter was fun this year. No matter how old me and my cousins are, we're still considered "children" to the adults of the family and we still get to participate in fun kiddy games, like Easter egg hunts. I found a total of 34 eggs, 42 pieces of candy, and $11.70. I totally got pwned by my little cousin. She found the grand prize of $10 and had a total of $22. Boo.

Random: As much as I hate to admit it, my mom makes sense sometimes.

Nadine.

I'm in the middle of conducting research for my thesis, and I thought it would be appropriate to jot down a few thoughts...

My research, which is inspired by Nadine, looks at the severity of autism and how it influences sibling relationships in different families. As I'm conducting these interviews, I'm learning a lot about different families and how they're coping with their child.  I must say how incredibly lucky I am to have Nadine as my sister.  It's not because she's a lot more compliant than other autistic kids are (although we're thankful she is), but because she'll always have this quality that we all kind of grow out of, which is innocence.  No matter how old we get and how much she'll grow, she will remain this innocent little girl who will read books with pictures in it, watch cartoon movies, be enthusiastic about balloons, and just enjoy the simple things in life.  While caring for someone who will always be substantially dependent on you may seem like a burden, I'm thankful that she's there to keep us grounded and remember what's truly important in life.  That's not to say we don't get frustrated.. believe me, we do. 

Everyday is a challenge. Everyday is filled with uncertainty and doubt.  We worry about her future. We worry about our futures.  Selfishly, I sometimes ask why we were put in this situation.  I think about how she will affect my future -- where I live, where I get a job, etc. Will I be stuck taking care of her? Will I have to financially support her?  I think about what kind of future she has in store for her. Will she get a job? Will she ever fall in love?  It's painful to have these thoughts and think, "What if she never does these things?" Is she even aware that she's different? I wonder if she'll ever be able to have a conversation with us.  

And as I speak with these families, it breaks my heart a little because I feel so guilty for ever having these thoughts.  Some families are in denial that their child has autism and aren't even the least bit sympathetic.  Some families do not go out in public because they are so embarrassed of their child.  Some families never go on vacation. One family doesn't even have a dining table because their kid climbs on top of it to unlock the door and run away.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that... I'm noticing that the more people struggle with the fact that their child has a "problem," the more problematic it becomes.  A lot of families are in denial that their child has autism... but the more you embrace it, the more you can actually appreciate and enjoy them.  Taking the time to understand these kids will seriously change the way you see and people and way families function. 

I think that my relationship with Nadine is pretty unique.  The way we communicate is different... we have to negotiate the way we communicate.  I have to say things in ways that she'll understand and she tries to say how she feels so that we understand.  It's hard for her, but she tries.  Despite the difficulty, I don't feel that this has hindered our relationship at all.  There's a level of closeness there that most siblings probably won't understand or experience.  I know I'll never be able to have abstract conversations with her, but maybe that's not what dictates a successful relationship.  The affection is there, and that's what I'll take.  

I didn't think I'd fall in love with NYC. I complained half the time about the weather while I was there, but somehow, I kinda want to go back.  I think there's just too much to explore and 4 days really doesn't do it for me. 

Did I mention that Koreans are freaking geniuses at fried chicken?! Here is what I mean. Mm. I'd seriously fly back for one day just to have some of that and some Magnolia's cupcakes after. :)

I really wish I'd taken advantage of shopping while I was there. I guess I was on a budget, but my only splurge was my new Tiffany's necklace.  Why am I such a girl when it comes to this stuff? It's so dumb.. but I can't resist shiny, pretty things... Oh! But I did get to go into Barney's and drool over my dream bag. I got to try on my Balenciaga, but looking at the pricetag is all too depressing. I had to resort to Chinatown shopping (My mom wanted a fake LV), and almost got arrested while doing it.  Haha.. more details later. I'm totally procrastinating at work...

Addicted

Why am I so addicted to shopping? It's my goddamn heroine. I have no real money, no real job, and I'm supposed to be saving up for NYC.  Somehow, I always find myself with a new item every week. And if I was being good and resisted shopping for a week or two, then I sure as hell make it up the next time by buying triple the items. *sigh.

Ah well. At least this skirt is cute. 

And now, back to studying. Ta ta.

25 Random

Someone got shot at the Albertsons plaza right outside my apartment today.  Sadly, I find this kind of amusing because it gives Irvine, the ultimate utopian city, a more "urban" feel. 

I am going to NY this spring break! Whee.. I've always wanted to visit the east coast. I'm surprised my parents are letting me go. Now I've got to start saving up, although I seriously think this entire trip will be charged on my poor credit card. Hm.

So.. I know this stupid 25 random facts has been infecting Facebook for quite sometime, but I just can't bring myself to post this up on there. If people are smart enough, maybe they'll find me? Here's to boredom!

1. My first plane ride involved me jumping out of the plane.

2. I have never dyed my hair.. yes, my brown highlights are real!

3. I need to learn the art of filling in eyebrows. I tried to grow them out all gnarly so that I could get them done professionally, but.. well.. my hair is very sparse. I guess this works out in other situations but that's a different story.

4. My daily online route is as follows: Gmail, UCI Mail, Perez, Popsugar, Fabsugar, Fitsugar, Facebook, Thesuperficial, fashion blogs, and if I'm reallly bored then I'll hop onto Myspace

5. I know everyone thinks their grandma is the bomb-diggity, but they're wrong because mine is. I think everyone should meet her and hear her crazy antics, like hearing her talk about boobs and sperm?! Seriously, put it on your "to-do's before i die..."

6. Though I am a movie enthusiast, I have not seem some of the greatest classics. I fell asleep during Mission Impossible, James Bond movies, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings to name a few..

7. I consider Roscoe to be my first child.

8. I think about Italy at least 3x a day. I am going back someday. I'm forever in love with it.

9. Speaking of love, I've been in a relationship for 6 years, 7 months, 29 days, and counting... Everytime I think I've got him figured out, or the second I start to think that he's become "predictable," he'll do something that catches me completely off-guard. That's how I know it's gonna last.

10. I once fell off my bike and my right thumbnail completely fell off. 

11. People have fun making up porn names for me. I guess it's my fault, with the creation of "pusseyxkat" and "clitty kitty." MEOW!

12. I love cooking. I think I have an instinct for being domestic...  I'm not THAT good at it yet, but it's fun to play around and discover new combinations of your favorite ingredients. There's nothing I can think of that's more gratifying. Well, sorta. If only I had more time for it... 

13. My ultimate pet peeve is a dirty kitchen. Like when your roommates don't clean up the countertop after they've spilled and all of their yucky splatters have dried on the granite.. UGH! I just think it's so inconsiderate to leave it gross for the next person who wants to prepare their food.. not to mention it's unsanitary.

14. I don't like to reuse my towels. That's right. Two new towels a day, everyday (one for the hair, another for the body).

15. I am passionate about good typography, clean designs, and yearbooks. Haha.. seriously. It's a disease. 

16. I am allergic to alcohol because I lack the enzyme acetaldehyde dehydrogenase. I must pop a Pepcid ~45 minutes before drinking, which totally takes the spontaneity out of it, but whatever.

17. I suck ass at math and science. I blame it on Mrs. Lewis for ruining my confidence in Calc.

18. I have way too many boots. 10 pairs to be exact.

19. When I was little, I got mad ay best friend so when she was picking her nose during class, I told the teacher on her. Hehe.

20. I worry that I take life for granted. I mean, I worry that I'm not making the most of every moment. I'm currently working on being more spontaneous and just letting go... 

21. I feel naked without eyeliner, blush, and a ring on my finger

22. I completely believe in the greatness that is SHAMWOW.

23. Working for people that I hate is what motivates me to start my own business someday. I don't know what it's going to be yet, but it'll be good.. 

24.  I love moms. Except mine. Haha. Jk (?). No really though. Chances are if I meet your mom, I'll think she's completely adorable.

25. I am supposed to be studying for my midterm tomorrow... and I'm bviously procrastinating by doing this. So back to being nerd! 

:) NIGHT.

spotted

I've been seeing a lot of famous people lately. First, Pau Gasol at BJ's.. then Chuck Liddell at SLO.. then last week I saw JC Chasez, Nick Carter, Aaron Carter, Howie, and AJ from the Backstreet Boys at the Key Club in Hollywood. How random.. too bad I wasn't a huge fan of the BBoys... but Nick Carter does look a lot better than he did the last time I remember.

Anyhoo, I'm planning on taking a trip to the east coast this Spring Break. :) I get to visit the cousins in Ohio, then head over to Philly, then explore NY if all goes according to plan. I'm dying to see NY but it doesn't seem like 1 week is enough. :(((((

So last week was the Career Fair and I handed out my resume to about 12 companies.. I'm seriously considering going into financial advising/investment management. Sounds boring as hell, but it's pretty stable in this economic climate and it makes pretty good money as an entry-level job. Someone please hire me! BTW.. I feel like people don't take me seriously because I'm short. I hate how people literally have to look down at me when they talk to me. It makes me feel like they think I'm not qualified or something.. blah.

I've been so irritated with my hair lately. I seriously considered getting a perm. Then I thought about parting my bangs in the middle.. then I thought about getting straight bangs. What should I doooo?

bang experimenting...

how cute is my dog?!?!

I'm having Roscoe withdrawals because my mommy stole him this week :(

the world is ugly

"Don't believe what I say -- just file it."

"Thinking does not begin if you accept ideas on the basis of authority."

-- Chuck O'Connell

Best piece of advice, ever.

I'm taking his class in the Vietnam War.  I took a class with him last quarter on the US War on Terrorism.  I didn't need to take any of these classes to fulfill requirements, but simply because it was honestly the most thought-provoking class I'd ever taken.  I would sometimes leave a bit teary-eyed after watching a movie about Iraqi refugees and children wailing at their parents' grave or running around ruined cities looking for food. The first thing I'd do is call Jay and rant about how the world is such an ugly place filled with leaders who don't give a shit about humanity at all -- all they want is to fulfill their dumb agenda. It's verrrry dramatic, and very real. I've never seen a teacher so passionate about teaching.  I'd never been so inspired, depressed, angry, and hopeful about the world all in one day's lecture.

Can a class change your life? Fuck yeah it can.  It certainly did for me. I think I look at the world way differently than I used to.  It's great that I'm more aware of myself and my surroundings, but with knowledge comes difficulties.. it's one of the reasons we choose to stay willfully ignorant about the topics that we think least affect us. 

I'm beginning to learn that we don't live in a vacuum -- yes, there are wars happening thousands of miles away and we may never know anyone involved... but there are lasting impacts on everyone whether they choose to believe it or not.  I'm more aware of my actions now because I know that someone, somewhere is impacted by what I do and say -- and you'd be surprised how easily you can impact another human being. 

Anyway, this should be an interesting quarter.  I'll be busy as hell, but I'm sacrificing it so I can have an easier Spring quarter.  I can't wait to graduate but I'm so not ready for the real world. Working the 9 to 5 is so un-motivating. People are always so bummed about work and their life and there simply aren't opportunities to think and grow (at least not where I've been exposed to).  Life is like an unfunny version of The Office.  Dear God, can I just be in college f o r e v e r ?